Wednesday, April 6, 2011

April 5th, 2011
What comes around goes around.

Many years ago I would take the wheel whenever possible when traveling with my mother. I inherited my ADHD from my mother. She was never diagnosed with ADHD though she received every other label the psych people have invented.

My father didn’t have ADHD. He got up every morning at the same time. He bathed regularly, if only once a week. He shaved everyday. He took chlorophyll tablets instead of using deodorant. His spare change went on the dresser in a cup every evening, he polished his shoes once a week.

Mom took her girdle and stockings off and dropped them on the living room floor when she got home. She remembered to make dinner when she got hungry. She often took an hour saying goodbye to her friends while her children watched from the car. We’d alternate between hope and despair as she’d descend a stoop one backward step at a time, only to re-climb to make an important point.

She was especially dangerous behind the wheel of a car. She drove often traveled roads as though she’d never passed that way before. One night I assisted her with her cleaning service. It was a new account, at least it was new to me. We came to a place in the road where traffic was directed to turn right by a meridian directly in the middle of the lane we traveled. Mom drove up onto it. “Oh shit,” she exclaimed, “I did it again”.

The reason I have a moment to write this blog is my daughter Simone is, as I type, driving my car to San Francisco. I am seated next to her. I believe she is driving to help me with the task, but whatever the reason I am reminded of my mother.

I am going to San Francisco for my birthday. Or at least tomorrow is my birthday. My mother had a birthday party for me when I was 7, generally though she wasn’t very good with gift giving or throwing parties. She was a bargain shopper, as I am, it gets in the way of buying appropriate gifts. She’d buy Christmas gifts on Christmas Eve because the toys were marked down that day.

Her gift to me this year is her memory, or rather my memories of her. I enjoy this gift very much.

I am really going to San Francisco now because she died March 22nd and I got a small inheritance from her. My daughter Martha is reading from her thesis Friday and since I have some money I can attend.

I have a laisse faire relationship with money generally. It’s an “easy come easy go – don’t get too attached” friendship. I like when it comes around but I don’t worry too much when it goes away again. This cache is different. Every little bit I spend makes me emotional. It hasn't stopped me spending it rather wildly, it's ADHD money after all.